He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
