i think my mom watched the whole time
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
is that a dick in a sweater?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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