chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
