Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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