I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
