I'm going to jail i love you
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
