So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
