And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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