I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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