Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
being pregnant is like rehab
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
