??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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