i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
