john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
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