Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
My life is pants optional.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
