explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
