dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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