it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
