Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
