PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
