I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
