I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
