I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
