So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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