There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
