You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
