remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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