I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
