They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
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