Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
