He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
