I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
