Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
