I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
