Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
