I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize