i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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