he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
