bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Found the puke drawer
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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