that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
