i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
