omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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