anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
