Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We left the knife in your bed.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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