As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize