I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
