Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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