all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
