I'm so fucking centered right now
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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