Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
