Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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