Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
