Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp

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(678): View more from Georgia

she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy

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(914): View more from New York

I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.

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(850): View more from Florida

hungover and i feel like a burrito

(1-850): View more from Florida

like eating one or like you are one?

(850): View more from Florida

like i am one.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.

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(765): View more from Indiana

Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night

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(843): View more from South Carolina

While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation

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(651): View more from Minnesota

scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles

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