Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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