If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
