I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
