Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
