I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
