After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
