If that was your dad, he is hot
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
