About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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