Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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