i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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