Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
