I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
