2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
