One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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