i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
