You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
