soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I didn't notice because vodka
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
